Friday is the BIG day!

So excited to welcome my new baby on Friday! This will certainly be the blessing in the helm of the storm. It has certainly been a very stressful and uncomfortable 9 months. I had 4 long months of horrible morning sickness that put me in the hospital for dehydration, tested positive for Group B Strep (which is why I am being induced!), tested positive the first time for gestational diabetes, sciatica, and am now seeing what could be the end of my marriage.

I have to say, I am truly blessed to have such support from many of you and I want you all to know, I am not sad. I almost feel a sense of relief. Many say I am a quitter, but it has nothing to do with quitting. It is about seeing the truth. Seeing that I am a mother first. If my child is not happy, I cannot be happy. What mother can truly be happy when they see their child hurt? And since there doesn't seem to be any desire to change or to realize that she is the child and he is an adult and needs to act like one, I have to decide if my need to be with someone outweighs how my child will view me.

But that was just one of the issues. There have been years of him lying to protect his brother that have put a strain on our marriage. There is no trust. He has also been communicating with his ex-wife behind my back and having conversations that have led to her saying she wants him back. He made it a very big point to let me know that as though he thought the possiblity of me losing him to someone else would put me in my place. Whatever that means.

Am I perfect? Hardly. Have I been honest? Completely. Faithful? Without a doubt. I honored my vows, I shared all my secrets and told him my life story. So I have no doubt that I was a good wife. Stubborn? Absolutely. A pain in the butt? Surely. But always honest and faithful. I defended him when he was nasty to my sisters. He allowed his family to treat me badly and never stood up for me. I supported him when he wanted to make a $25,000 investment that is escalating to $50,000 and didn't get mad because I was being encouraging. He called me stupid and told me that it was a waste of money for me to get my degree at my age.

But the words don't hurt. I was raised in a volitile environment so I am numb. I know my self worth and everytime they tell me I am not good enough or I can't, I have always pushed through and proven them wrong.

Struck out on love. For now. Someone is still out there for me and if I never meet him, that will be ok. I have enough love surrounding me that I am perfectly content with just my three girls and my boy! There is no love greater than the love of a child.

Well, Friday is just a day away. I will not be alone. I have made two really great friends here in Texas, Joanna and Nicole, who are going to be by my side. My mom will be here on Saturday. Life is good, even with all the twists and turns it provides. And since I am not dead, I can only get stronger!